Six Months

Miss O-

I can't believe it is already your half birthday! There are days where it feels like its been an eternity since you were born and then there are days like today where it feels like just yesterday I was holding you for the first time. Daddy and I have been talking about you a lot, wondering what you would look like today, what your sweet little personality might be and what life would be like with you still with us.  There is not a day that goes by that my heart doesn't break for you. I would give anything just to have you with me for even an hour.

It kills me to think you might have seen me pack up your clothes, toys and books. It is in no way because I am trying to forget you, I just can't have the reminder that they are items you were never given the chance to use. I had hoped by this six month point I would have less pain but it seems the farther away I move from you the more painful it is.

This weekend is Easter and it is so sad knowing another holiday will come and go without being able to celebrate with you, it is just not fair. It keeps me up at night thinking about where you are, if you can hear me when I talk to you and if you watch over Daddy, Zelda and me. I tell myself that you're okay and you do hear me when I tell you how much I love you, but pretending and knowing are two different things.

Today I will try to be happy knowing that six months ago you made your way into this world as the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I will remember how alert you were and the look on Daddy's face as he held you for the first time. I will remember how blessed we were to have made such a perfect baby. I hope that they celebrate half birthdays in heaven as fabulously as I would have celebrated yours. I love you more than I could ever explain and miss you fiercely. Happy 1/2 Birthday little Livie!

Always & Forever,

Mommy